SEX ED FOR THE BED AND BORED

KINKY IS WHEN YOU USE A FEATHER.

PERVERTED IS WHEN YOU USE THE WHOLE CHICKEN.

I speak from some experience in this matter (not what you are thinking).  In years gone by I was a pup subaltern in an Airborne Infantry Regiment.  In my ignorance of recent unit history, I selected one Private RR to be my radioman because he was a middling good shot, a competent signaler and easily able to haul a 300 pound. arctic sled on his own. 

 RR had a rep., as I discovered.  While stationed in Soest, Germany he loaded up with fine German beer one night and, in the company of two equally wasted buddies went wobbling back to base.  Their route took them through a local farmyard and, because it was raining, through a chicken coop.  Now, Private RR was love-deprived (read: horny) and having read something about a purported oriental practice involving pheasants, he found a comely young hen rather appealing.  The rest, as they say became history.

Early on in my tiny command I was puzzled by the habit of other soldiers to refer to my stalwart troopers as CF's.  (Fowl Fornicators might be a contemporary P.C. translation.)  I pulled Private RR's file.  Oh, my.

After the usual stuff about qualifications, training completed, airborne wings etc. I found eight glossy B&W photos of a sexually abused hen together with a turgid CProC (Military Police) report;

"...and, according to witnesses interviewed, Private RR seized the hapless chicken by the neck, divested himself of encumbering trousers..."

Alas, I knew the awful truth.  By association I was a CF.

I had never before contemplated a feather as a useful adjunct to my manly appeal.  But a whole chicken?  The mind boggles.

For those of you in bed and bored, try dirty movies or uplifting pharmaceuticals.

Beats chickens.