In the midst of e-mail exchanges with fellow members on a provincial board I serve, I produced an over-the-top, hyper-coy euphemism for looming trouble ahead by declaring, "The anal effluent is moving toward the rotary air handling device".
Afterward, I wondered where in my grotty psyche this came from. Then, I remembered.
Years ago as a young pup consultant in an old, prestigious consulting firm I was tasked with reviewing C.V.s of hundreds of expat Canadian scholars and recommending which ones the Federal Government might wish to lure back to Canada to counter the mythical "brain drain" then thought to be threatening Canada's future. How the Feds thought they would do the luring was unclear but they were willing to commission the research so...
My marching orders were clear - look only at those in hard science programs; no unproductive artsy/literary/musical/philosophical people were wanted. I waded through stacks of turgid stuff about nascent engineers, baby computer boffins and mad mathematicians in the making in search of those predestined to "Build Canada's Future". Boring stuff until I hit pay dirt. I came across a newly-minted PhD in Chemical Engineering whose doctoral thesis was entitled, "The Effects of Axial Rotation in Sewage Flotation Tanks."
Wow! I discovered the first Canadian to have received a doctorate in Shit-Disturbing. Here was a young man who could become a great political leader or Canada's answer to Saul Alinsky. I delivered this exciting news to the solid grey Partner to whom I reported. He stared at me for a moment, sighed and dryly inquired, "Evans, did you find any nuclear scientists?"
My solid grey boss often wondered about me and sighed. He began doing so after the day I recommended a Ribbon Cutting Ceremony to celebrate the firm's first ever hiring of a foreign born, dark skinned consultant.
These days, others stare at me and sigh. Let them. I still think that a PhD in Shit Disturbing is a rare and wonderful credential to have.
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